nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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