My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
