I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
