they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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