Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
