Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
