I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
