Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
