Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
