Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
