just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
