yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
