Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
