Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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