I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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