he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
