my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
