So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
