It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
