I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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