Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
