obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
