You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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