I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
