I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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