Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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