I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
