Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
