Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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