Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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