I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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