Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
