the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
