im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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