How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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