drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
