Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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