And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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