problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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