every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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