once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
