We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
