woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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