How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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