I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
