He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize