the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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