I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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