Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
