Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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