Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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