I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
