there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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