Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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