I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
