And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
