hotel room ftw
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
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I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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