Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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