I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
