Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
