It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
