I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
