What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize