Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize