omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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