Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize