i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
