Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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