Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
