Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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